Thursday, August 13, 2009

August Contest: Chicken Humor

Okay, the first official The Shifter contest is here! (cue the dancing chickens)

If you've been to my website, you've noticed I love chickens. I can't say why, I just find them hysterically adorable. So for the next ten days, send me your very best chicken jokes. The joke that makes me snarf something out my nose from laughing so hard wins a signed ARC (advance reading copy) of The Shifter.

To enter, just post in the comments section. While this contest in underway, I'll have moderation turned on so I can screen what comes in. So if you post something non-joke related, it won't post immediately like usual. I'll approve all comments and let through the ones that aren't for the contest. You have until August 23rd to enter.

On August 24, 2009, I'll post the winner, and maybe a few runner's up if we get some great jokes. I'll round up something fun as prizes for those. I think I have some Shifter T-shirts that are fun around here somewhere.

One note...

While "why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes are likely going to be popular, I've heard a lot of them, so be warned that you might have to dig a little deeper to find the funny with those. I'm not saying it can't be done, just that those might be tougher to achieve full snarfability.


Who can enter: Everyone.

How do you enter: Post your best chicken hoke in the comments section of this post.

How many times can you enter: One entry per person, please.

Contest start date: Right now!

Contest end date: August 23, 2009.

Winner announced: August 24, 2009.

How do you get your prize: Winners will need to send me their address so I can ship them their book.

And that's it.

May the best joke win.

EDIT: I've just be informed that someone was having trouble logging into the comments section. So if you happen to have had this problem, you can always e-mail me the joke. Just go to my website and click on the e-mail link at the top of the page.


  1. Okay, since I'm a teacher, I decided to do a school related chicken joke. Here it is....

    Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
    He heard the referee calling fowls

  2. Q: Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
    A: Because it wanted to lay it on the line.

  3. I've seen this book around, and I would love to win and review it! haha, a girl can always hope! I also put this contest on my blog!!!


  4. Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road???

    There was no cars coming!

    I've heard so many ways people tell this joke!

  5. You've probably heard this one, but as I heard it from my 3-year-old daughter the first time, I've always liked it.

    Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide.

  6. XD Oh wow, um...

    What did the chick say to the fried chicken?
    What's cookin'!

  7. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

    Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan!

  8. This is off the top of my head. :)

    Farmer Longslicer had left his farm to head for the fair.

    "Cock," Pit the Rooster said. "Today, Cock-a, is the start of our, Cock-a-doodle, war of, Cock-a-doodle-doo, freedom!"

    "Buck," said Margarine, his wife. "You would, Buck, have us, Buck, start war upon, buck, the farmers?" she asked. "Buck!"

    "Cock-a-doodle," Pit said. He gave her a look to shake the feathers.

    Margerine was reminded of ages ago when she had first met the red and black plumaged chicken. Her toes curled in memory.

    "Buck!" Margarine jumped, then glanced in embarrassment at her fellow chickens. "Buck. I meant, buck, to say." She gathered herself. "We will, buck, follow."

    The journey was long and hard, over the pen and into the dirtlands. Many chickens were lost that day, to droppings of corn along the ground, or just wandering off.

    A gold and black plumaged rooster stopped and gave a loud "Ka!" He looked Pit in the eye. "No more," he said. "This journey will destroy us, ka, and what will be left to show for it. Ka!"

    "Avian traitor," Pit said. "Ka! Bad blood, ka, you have, ka, lack of courage, ka." Pit gave them all a stare to rumple the feathers, and marched on. They left the traitor.

    The journey was harder now, over rock, and puddle, through tall grass, and more corn. They made it though, finally standing at the man made fire-rock.

    "Ka!" Pit said. He looked behind him, and found only Margarine there. "Ka! Where did they, ka, go?"

    "Buck," she whispered softly. "They did not, buck, make the journey." A few feathers were lost as she trembled.

    "Cowardly Ka!" Pit looked at his wife, and held her in awe. Such a strong chicken. He had seen the Corn Goddess in her when she was just an egg. "My wife," he thought with pride.

    "Well, lets, ka, go," he said. He turned around and face the road. Man-made metal birds, unable to fly, ran along the road. He knew they would let him pass, for they were his kin, even if they couldn't talk. They understood the imprisonment of man.

    He took one step though, then saw out of the corner of his eye, a white-bearded man who stared down upon him with a grim visage, and an evil smile. Red the color of blood surrounded the man's frame. He blinked, and the man disappeared. The rooster hesitated, his heart beat quickening.

    "We don't, buck, have to, buck, leave" Margarine said softly. "Let's go home."

    "But, ka," Pit said. He still felt the man's touch. "Maybe, ka, you're right. Ka!"

    They journeyed back to the farm. When it had come to pass, and chickens told this story over the warm straw, they all agreed upon one thing.

    They were all too chicken to cross the road.

    LoL. Sorry for that. :)

  9. Why did the baby cross the road?

    It was stapled to the chicken!


    It's way too long to post here. I found it from the above link (hope the link works) I laughed and laughed when I read it. It's great.

    So why did the chicken cross the road?

    "Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
    The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
    Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
    Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
    Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
    Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
    Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
    Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
    Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
    but why it crossed, I've not been told!
    Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken XP, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book — and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system. "

    There's more to it, but it's too long to post.

  11. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

    RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

    PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

    BILL CLINTON: That depends on what your definition of "did" is.

    GEORGE BUSH JR: I don't know, but I'll tell you this: That chicken may run, but it can't hide. God bless America.

    DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

    FOX MULDER: Did you actually see it cross the road? Or did you suddenly notice that it had appeared on the other side? You think you saw it cross the road, but that's an illusion. How many more chickens have to appear before you believe it?

    FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken Millenium Edition, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

    EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    LOUIS FARRAKHAN: What color was the chicken? If you do your research, you will find that it was a white chicken. Roads are always black. The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

    THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

    JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

    COLONEL SANDERS: You mean I missed one?!

  12. Okay, this is one my mom's boyfriend told me, so it's not that great, but I can't stop laughing about it.

    Here goes:

    A man driving his new sports car along a quiet country lane accidentally hit a rooster standing in the middle of the road.

    Wracked with guilt, he looks about and sees a farmhouse not too far away. He drives to the house, and upon knocking on the door is met by the woman of the house.

    He says, 'I'm terribly sorry but I think I ran over one of your roosters. If possible I'd like to replace it.'

    The lady replies, 'Suit yourself. The rest of the hens are at the back of the house.'

    Hope it makes you laugh!

  13. Would love to win this added a little link in my side bar for it and here's my Chicken joke
    Hoping you haven't heard it
    What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell? A Chicken that can Ring his own neck.
    .. hopefully a smile :)

  14. OK, this *is* the best chicken joke ever, and it comes via my dad.

    When my father was a wee young thing, he had a pet chicken. It was *terrible* at getting into things. Evidence of this: once my dad was helping my grandfather work on their old '57 Chevy's engine. Gramps had drained all the fuel out of the car and put it in a pan in the driveway. When he and my dad weren't looking--that pet chicken had DRUNK ALL OF THE FUEL! Literally! Drank it all up!

    Once he'd finished, that chicken tore off. He *flew* around the house about five times, going so fast my dad couldn't catch him!

    Then, he just flopped over.

    Go ahead, ask.

    Did he die?

    Nah, he just ran out of gas.


    Well, that's it! My very best chicken joke. Hope you liked it!

  15. Okay, I think this is the funniest of the ones I came up with. Hope you like it!

    Chick 1: Why is that egg wearing a beret?
    Chick 2: It's a mime.
    Chick 1: Well, why can't it move from where it's standing?
    Chick 2: Because it's in cubation.

  16. Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Chicken who?

    Chicken run but chickant hide

  17. Two chicks walk into a bar. The bartender asks them for ID, so the first chick raises her little claw to reveal a band on her leg marked USDA. The bartender proceeds to serve her a cup of ground wheat infused with antibiotics.

    The second chick raises her little claw to reveal a band that says certified organic, vegetarian fed. The bartender serves this chick a cup of wonderful mixed whole grains.

    When the two chicks leave, a conscientious duck, wishing to lead the wholesome life, had been observing the chicks and decides to create his own ID, stating certified organic, vegetarian fed.

    The next day the duck goes up to the bar and raises his webbed foot to show the bartender his new ID in order to procure the nutritious whole grains. The bartender says to him “Sorry, no can do.”

    The indignant duck states to the bartender he’d seen him serving an organic chick just the day before, to which the bartender responds “yes, we serve grains, NOT Quackers!”

  18. lol this is fun! i loved this joke:

    Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?
    Because he didn't have enough guts

  19. If it looks like a chicken, clucks like a chicken, and lays eggs like a chicken...

    But Chuck Norris calls it a cow...

    Then it's a cow.

  20. Dx i missed the contest im so depressed now )'=
    i love this book, its giving me so many new writing ideas! i wanted to win dis....

  21. There's always the next book! I'll be doing contests for those as well, though that won't be until next Fall.